Dear Baby Gabe,

Daddy & I had an awful night last night. I don't want to complain anymore because it just doesn't help, but let's just say we were miserable with the stupid things we have to go through sometimes. I could sit all day and complain and yet I'll still have to experience all of these mortal things on a day to day basis. I wish that I could just complain to Heavenly Father and that He'd make them stop or just give us a break for a bit from them. But He doesn't work that way and complaining won't stop them, even though it feels good to get things off my chest sometimes. I was thinking today about all the awful that we continually face in this life and it made me so grateful that you don't have to ever do this.

There's a song by Ben Folds that talks about how awful it is to grow up and how as parents we have to watch our poor kids suffer through the hardships of it, knowing that it will get worse. It's so hard, as a parent, to see your children in pain. Today Nick told me of some girls at recess that just kept teasing him. Now I know that girls that tease at that age just probably want his attention because he's so darn cute, but he doesn't know that. All he knows is that they won't stop bugging him. It made me sad to talk about how frustrated he was. I wish I could protect him from all the frustrations and pains he will face, but I can't. All I can do is to teach him to do his best and to treat others with kindness. He will have pain, even sometimes severe heart-wrenching pain, and that's just a part of this growth process we call life.

You my sweet boy, will not have this. You were too perfect to have to face these trials and pains. You didn't need them to grow into the wonderful spirit that you are. If a mother could ever give a gift to their child it would be that they wouldn't feel pain and so, even though I miss you, I am so glad I could help in giving you your physical body so you could move on without pain. You don't have to ever feel it again. I sometimes wonder if it hurt when you died. Your cord was so twisted when we saw it. Was it slow and painful for you? My heart hurts to think of you so tiny and innocent and hurting and I hope that it wasn't like that. I also wonder if it hurts for you to not have had this earthly life. Do you wish you had or did you choose to make it brief so you could get back to your work there in heaven? I have so many questions for you little boy. I can't wait to meet you again and just see how truly amazing you are. I love you, my precious baby.

Love,
Mommy